Child Training Highlights (Part 4)
By Jeff Klick
We'd like to make available to everyone a short summary of our Wednesday night meetings. We understand that everyone can not attend, so we'd like to share the rich insights that are covered in the Word and expounded on by Mr. Fugate in his book, "What The Bible Says About Child Training." Below are a few of the highlights of the evening....
- There are two facets of child training, controlling and teaching. You will never be able to teach a child without first controlling him. These two areas of training roughly parallel the specific stages of a child's development. During the first twelve years of life, a child will have to have more intense control. After the child becomes a young adult, the teaching phase can be entered with earnest. During the younger ages the reason behind the commands is not as important as the child obeying the commands. Maximum external control has to be used for younger children until they are able to control themselves. As they demonstrate the ability to exercise self control, much more freedom can be granted.
- Control is defined as: the force or pressure, by which you exercise your right of parental rulership- the right to set the standards for, to direct the actions of; and to administer justice to your children. The longer you wait to establish control the harder gaining control will become. Controls are like boundaries; they fence out that which is dangerous from an area that is thereby protected. Such an area becomes safe, secure, and peaceful. In other words, there is a quality of freedom within restraints. Children desperately need these boundaries.
- Parents must take the time to monitor closely the child's behavior. They must also be willing to face the inevitable conflict that occurs. The sacrifice involved in controlling a child also includes the instant handling of unplanned interruptions into the parents' life. These interruptions often interfere with what the parent wants or needs to do. Therefore, loving parents must be more concerned with doing what will best benefit the child rather than what they would like to do to benefit themselves!
- One of the big lies of this century is that your child will hate you, or rebel against you, if you restrict him. The exact opposite is true. Allowing a child to be self-centered, by giving into their flesh, will only produce self-centered adults. Youths usually believe their parents do not love them when they fail to restrain them. This need for control explains why cult groups and gangs attract a large number of youths.
- The time to start controlling a child is when you first notice their sinful, fleshly behavior. This can be at a very young age. Refusals to go to sleep, eat, or have their diaper changed all need to be dealt with quickly and firmly. If a child willingly refuses, or ignores a parents command, he chooses to receive the consequences. A child must be taught to obey his parents. God's word tells us so, and instant obedience may save your child from harm or death. A child who is taught to stop when told to do so could avoid running out in front of a car.
- A parent does not need to explain everything to a child. A child first needs to obey. Then explanations can follow if necessary. You are the parent and your word is law. You can never explain every danger to a child or youth, so they need to obey and you will explain as needed.Teach your child early in life that you will always respond to what he needs, but that much of what he wants probably will be denied.
- Conflict is inevitable and should be embraced as a springboard for training.